My neighbor puts a damper on eating chocolate

I remember how excited I was when I found out that one of my sorority sisters was moving into my apartment building. This was, of course, before I knew that she would be dragging me to 5:30 am bootcamps filled with people who look like tri-athletes. Her punishment is having to listen to me curse when I run. It has been quite an experience for both of us.

On Monday our "assignment" was to lift 5000 pounds over our head (lift as many reps as we needed to depending on the weight we were lifting to equal 5000 pounds). I couldn't even lift the bar before she put weights on it- since I'm a haus. I tried to get through it by thinking about chocolate.

Comedy of Errors

We've started a new thing at work that we fondly call "Tasty Tuesday." This week it was my turn to bring in lunch for the other three girls in my office. I had wonderful intentions of making lettuce wraps and cast-iron skillet pineapple cake. But sometimes my intentions get the best of me.

Yes, the last picture is JJ fanning the oven as billows of smoke are coming from the burning "second cake" on the bottom of the oven. I'm frantically running around opening all of the windows so our entire building doesn't have to be evacuated due to our smoke alarm.

Then I tried to shake up the bottle of sesame oil but {just my luck} the cap wasn't screwed on all the way. Every surface of our kitchen {and my body} became covered in a oily film that I'm not sure I'll ever truly be able to get off.

I considered just buying pizza to take to work for lunch after all of that. But, I am WAY too prideful to show up without home-cooked food so this is what they got to eat. I'm probably kicked out of Tasty Tuesday now.

25 things no one told me about being an adult

I have a love/hate relationship with being an adult. Unfortunately, being an adult sort of comes with the territory when you are an adult so I'm out of luck. There are so many things that you grow up thinking are required, or inherent, about being an adult. And they’re bullshit.

25 Things No One Told Me About Being An Adult: 

1. You don’t have to make your bed.
2. You don’t have to do the dishes.
3. If you do the dishes, they can sit there, clean, for days. The world won’t end.
4. With cars, you will always feel like you’re getting ripped off. The car you buy, the price you buy it at, the service package you get, the place you go to get your oil changed. It will always feel like you’re getting cheated. And sometimes you are. But you might never know the difference.
5. All those things you don’t like to do? You can pay someone to do them.
6. Having a dog is not like having a baby. Well, I don’t really know, because I don’t have a baby {and I don't even have a dog anymore}. But some people will try to tell you they’re similar, and they’re not.
7. A dog was not as easy as is seems. They also cost more money than you think.
8. People will try to tell you you’re lame for not staying out late, drinking a lot, and partying. You’re not. You just need to stop hanging out with those people.
9. You really do need insurance. All kinds. Health, dental, vision, etc.
10. It’s OK to say no to people you don’t really like, event you don’t want to go to, things you can’t afford.
11. The ability to make chit chat for more than 3 minutes will get you far in life. Ridiculously far.
12. Relationships are work. Sometimes they’re a lot of work. But the ones that are worth it shouldn’t feel like that much work.
13. Office politics are real. Everyone hates it. Everyone has to deal with it.
14. Sometimes you do things to show the people you love that you care. This is an obligation. It feels meaningless to you, but it means a lot to the person you love.
15. Keeping friends is hard. You have to actually communicate with people. You’ll have fewer friends than you did when you were a kid, but they’ll be better ones.
16. You can eat cheese or cake or chips or wine for dinner. And breakfast. And lunch.
17. But if you do, you’ll pay the price. You’ll put on weight, or feel bad, or both. Your metabolism, liver, and ability to eat a pound of cheese is not what it used to be.
18. Your apartment doesn’t come with art on the wall and pretty knick knacks. You have to buy those, frame them, and hang them up. Yourself. Unless you pay someone to do it.
19. That person you pay to do stuff for you? You have to find them, tell them what to do and when to do it, and pay them.
20. Coordinating events, dinners, meetings, social outings, is harder than you think it is.
21. Sometimes, being an adult is like being a kid, but instead of juice, you have wine.
22. You don’t automatically know what to do when you become an adult. You just get better at hiding the fact that you don’t know what to do.
23. Failing as an adult has major consequences that can mess up your whole life.
24. But that doesn’t mean you can’t change. No one can tell you you can’t change. Don’t listen to them.
25. People will tell you you’re not awesome, but that’s not true. You are awesome. No can make you not awesome except you.

Icing on the Cake- Literally

I think I've finally reached the weight I want for my before picture. Now I can get really serious about working out. My last few attempts went something like this:

1. Make a chart on the fridge to draw a happy-face on the days I work out. Instead of working out, I took the time to write excuses on each day's spot on the calendar about why I didn't work out.


2. Buy new work out clothes to motivate me. They still have the tags on them.


3. Eat whatever the hell I want so my "before" picture is very dramatic.

I think number three is really the icing on the cake...if you catch my irony.

Hungry Hungry Tornados

A nasty storm hit Kansas City yesterday and {while I have nothing to complain about compared to the residents of Joplin} I got trapped in a storm shelter for hours.

This was obnoxious for the following reasons:
1. It was during lunch time {and I get really grumpy when I have to wait to eat}
2. The majority of the people I was trapped with were police officers
3. A man with a walkie-talkie re-read us the storm warnings every FIVE minutes for an hour and a half

Via Kansas City Star

My whining is only in selfishness. I know how lucky I am to have electricity, a roof over my head and all of my friends/family safe.

#Letsgoback

I don't know why Pat Benatar looks so creepy in this video but I was feeling a bit home sick for my friends {friend-sick?} tonight so I pulled this video up on YouTube.

Can we please rewind a little bit? The idea of going to graduate school makes me very nostalgic.

Country Copy-Cat

Miranda Lambert must read my blog. The girl stole my wedding bouquet idea....

I saw a picture of hers on access hollywood but now I can't find it again. I think the most special part of mine was that it was made with pieces from friends and family all over the country.

oral surgery 101

I had an emergency root canal today. The doctor was nice and took time to explain everything he would be doing to my tooth- since I had a small anxiety attack in his chair. I had not mentally prepared myself for the root canal which proved to be a big mistake.

Here's what I learned from his lesson:

1. ouch

2. Ouch

3. OUch

4. OUCh

5. OUCH

I'm kind of an oral surgery expert now. I have 3 weeks to prep myself for the second phase of the root canal. I bet you didn't know that they do root canals in two phases, did you? Ah ha- you learned something too!

The cupcake went splat

This is a crazy busy week and,  when you add my crazy tooth problem, I have not been a pleasant person to live with.

After work today I stopped by the cute cupcake place near our apartment to order a few dozen cupcakes for a wedding shower I'm co-hosting with my mother next weekend. To make sure I wasn't going to poison the guests, I bought myself the most decant looking cupcake to devour when I completed all of my errands {and to try to bribe my sore tooth to shape up}. I drove like a mother taking her baby home from the hospital for the first time- not wanting to bump the cupcake in its little pink box. Just before I turned into our garage husband called so I had to make a decision: take my hand off the cupcake box answer the phone or ignore husband's possibly important call to protect my precious cargo.

I went with option A: answer the call. My cupcake went splat and my husband had to listen to a ridiculously dramatic rant about how my life ended the moment I lost out on the cupcake. Poor husband.



Oh, and, Those of you who plan on reminding me that I gave up sweets for lent are obviously not true friends!

Crocodile Dentist

I'm having some issues with my choppers {as in my teeth}. I've never had a cavity in my life but I had to have a filling last weekend because I apparently brush my teeth with too much passion. I have been in intense pain all week so my dentist fit me in for an emergency visit this morning before work. He injected some numbing medicine into my gums and sent me merrily on my way.

Except I wasn't merry. I was on the verge of ripping all of my teeth from my mouth in an effort to make the pain stop. Thankfully, he called in some pain killers before I had time to figure out how to do carry out this mission. I'm pretty sure my husband would be embarrassed of me if I didn't have any teeth. I also feel like I wouldn't  be a very effective youth drug counselor.

Now, laying in bed in a vicodin haze, I keep thinking back to a game my sister and I used to play when we were little called "crocodile dentist." You had to push all of the crocodile's teeth down before he took a bite out of your finger. My dentist better fix my tooth ASAP or I'll show him my mad crocodile dentist skills.

I wouldn't tell just anyone about my problem

I have a problem saying no to a little thing called CHIPS and SALSA. It's a slippery slope into salty over-eating once I've started. If salsa were illegal or dangerous to my health in any way I would need an intervention before the sun comes up. My favorite is to use Tostitos Scoops because its as close as I can come to a socially acceptable way to shovel salsa into my mouth. Just wait until shovel chips are invented...

I've always said that tacos are one of my favorite foods but when I made one for dinner last night {and noticed that it was 3/4 made of salsa} I'm now wondering if maybe its only an excuse to incorporate salsa into the meal.

Are you aware that there are entire facebook groups dedicated to addicts of chips and salsa? Yes, there are more like out there like me. My homies, if you will. Ugh, I have issues.

Punching Sasha

I woke up in the middle of the night last night to husband punching me {with all of the force that comes with a 6'6'' man!} in the shoulder. I swatted his hand away and started yelling, and blah blah blah. He was dreaming that I was cheating on him so he was punching "Sasha" in the face. What kind of a sexy man's name is "Sasha"?

Anyway, now I can totally see how crazy Michelle from the Bachelor got her black eye!

My shoulder is fine but I have to wonder whether this occurrence is related to THIS?

Chill-Out, Be Amazing

I am far from perfect. I am a serious worry-er. I worry about being a good wife/sister/friend/daughter. I worry about excelling at my job, while still making a difference in some children's lives. I worry that I don't have any hobbies anymore that don't involve reality tv. I worry that I miss out on life by being obsessive about the house being clean and everything in its place. I worry that I care too much about what other people think of me.

I worry about things that don't matter too. Like, really really don't matter. We live in an anxiety culture but I've turned worrying from a habit to a lifestyle. Earlier this year I made the vow to say yes to fun. I would now like to amend that resolution to add a "chill-out component."

I heard somewhere {or I made it up} that having a positive outlook can add as much as 7.5 years to your life. Think how much I could worry about with seven extra years of life! Crap, I've already failed...

B-B-B-Blizzard

via

If I look out my window, all I see is white. I feel like cooking a whole bunch of comfort food and playing scrabble--because that is what I know is going on at my parents' house. But, alas, I'm snowed in by my lonesome so it seems silly to make large quantities of chili and chicken noodle soup, and it really seems silly to play scrabble. Instead I'm snacking on apples and peanut butter which is much less than comforting.

I just went down to chat with the concierge downstairs (since we became BFF after the toilet plunging incident) but he didn't come in today because of the "historic blizzard." Option B was to get in the bath with a magazine....except the mailman is withholding all of my mail in protest of my marriage. Option C is looking very similar to last night's "ooops I killed our house plants pitty party." Trashy tv and a beverage of choice.

Anyone who has a jeep or a snow plow: I am begging you to come over and keep me company!